Gay Christians: Maybe Don’t Date

Since I started opening up about “dating” as a gay Catholic, people have reached out to me, asking questions along the lines of…

  • How do you find people who want to do the dating/partnership/commitment thing while upholding Church teaching on sexuality?
  • What advice do you have for me in doing this sort of thing?
  • I’m lonely and want a relationship, where can I go to find one?

My advice for the vast majority of these people is: don’t. Continue reading “Gay Christians: Maybe Don’t Date”

Do our married friends leave us behind?

Gay Christians sometimes envy our straight friends. They get to have spouses and biological children. Churches talk about the beauty of marriage and parenting, while we often feel forgotten or overlooked in the pews. And then there’s the phenomenon among straight Christians, to be active friends and community members and to praise celibate relationships and the beauty of extramarital friendships… Continue reading “Do our married friends leave us behind?”

Why Call It Dating? (Pt. 2)

A few additional thoughts on why I currently like the word “dating,” as opposed to “friendship,” in some circumstances. Following up from last week’s post.

Friendship is one of the most amorphous relationships today, and perhaps it should be. We have no words to differentiate the people we see every once in a while and the people we get drinks with once a week. These are all “friends” [1]. And perhaps we have “friends” and “good friends” and a “best friend.” But even “best” can be a category, which to one person means the guy you see once a week and to another the person you’ve lived with for a few years (and probably are or will be married to). Continue reading “Why Call It Dating? (Pt. 2)”

Pressure Cooker and Potted Plant

Another from mid-2017…

“I don’t think I’m going to change your mind, and I don’t think you’re going to change mine. And that’s ok. We don’t have to agree. But I do want you to feel like we can talk about it.”

This was a big step for me, to assert my thoughts, to hear someone else’s, and to not instantly push to come to some point of agreement. It was a really personal issue, but we both came from perspectives very rooted in our pasts and in our present situation. Continue reading “Pressure Cooker and Potted Plant”

From Pornography to Persons

I worry that we frequently confuse the longing for beauty (which includes the longing for another’s beauty) and the sexual urge which ultimately seeks orgasm through the use of anther. One way in which this confusion occurs is the way in which we think about pornography. We frequently think of the longing for and use of pornography as solely one’s expression of the sexual urge, but I believe it is often much more a complex coping with one’s unlived erotic life.

In my own experience, the longing for pornography isn’t simply a voyeuristic desire to facilitate the activities of sexual organs. The contexts in which such a desire arises and is pursued suggest something else. Continue reading “From Pornography to Persons”

Catholics Discuss: Can Gay Catholics Hold Hands?

Last week, I had a post on Catholicism, homosexuality, teleology, and holding hands. The post generated a discussion among some friends, and I thought I’d share it (to begin, you should probably skim the post here).

The cast of characters:

What Good Does a Good Need?

I was recently trying to work through the Church’s teaching on homosexuality with a few friends. A classic example (or test case) among my peers came up: two gay men holding hands. [1] They presented a common concern among many Catholics:

“When two people of the opposite sex in a romantic relationship hold hands, the handholding is directed towards marriage; the holding of hands has the conjugal relationship as its ultimate ‘end.’ But what’s the ‘end’ for two men holding hands?” [2]

Continue reading “What Good Does a Good Need?”